My name is Susan. I'm a maniac/goth teen/fangirl struggling through life and posting my thoughts along the way.
This is supposed to go in reverse order so someone seeing this can just read normally.
Once, sometimes twice a week, I would be talking to my “friends” -the only people who didn’t judge me as slutty or crazy and rant to their parents or actively harass me- would end up talking about stupid shit I had said. Really embarrassing, it made be feel dumb and awkward. Often I would make a dramatic exit to show I didn’t need them. As I walked to the other side of the blacktop I realised that I didn’t have anyone else to talk to. I’d sit down and hope someone would leave their exclusive four square game to join me. To be honest, I would’ve been overjoyed with an apology from the aforementioned friends. Sometimes I’d start to cry. At first, people came to ask if I was okay. I suppose they tired of me and the arguments I concocted to give a reason for my anger. Worse? My best friend, Diana, was also emotionally unstable despite being super pretty (and more importantly to the boys at least, voluptuous) and everyone liked her way better. She was artsy and adorable and hilarious. But we were so alike in our musical tastes and both basically depressed we gravitated towards each other despite us not treating each other properly. I was doomed to be the overshadowed friend. Somehow, her ailments and oddities were objects of pity and love, respectively. Mine, of course, were me being whiny or freakish. We did have a few more friends: the skinny, skimpy, bossy girl named Alyssa, a short boy that ogled my best friend whom I was rumoured to like by the name of Daniel, and a too-cool tomboy who liked the same music we did. Brianna’s mother loved me but she always sided with Diana…the only ones I would acquaint myself with now are Brianna and a funny/sane/supportive girl who seems to be haunted by tragedy who goes by Ari.
I stopped using tumblr for a long time. I’m using the posts to represent how I felt and type up my story soon. After that, I’m just going to stop posting, but I might still check my inbox so feel free to talk. If you know me in real life and I didn’t give you the URL personally, I don’t want you reading this. You can either stalk this blog and pretend nothing happened or just close it…
The awkward moment when you get mad and walk away then realize you have no other friends